How do you get people to unclutter?

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How do you get people to unclutter?

(12 posts) (10 voices)

Started 2 years ago by Huenink
Latest reply from charmed2482
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Huenink
Member

My parents garage and indoor patio are cluttered almost to the point that you can't walk into them. I ask them when they are going to start clearing it. I even volunteer to do it all myself (even though it's partially insane). They always give excuses such as "it's raining" or "it's too hot". A big part of the problem is that a lot of the stuff is my brother and sister's stuff, yet they have moved out and left the mess to us.

I try to show them the positive outcomes of clearing out the clutter like: more working space, money, fire hazards, appearing more organized to house guests, etc. But I'm to no avail. What can I do to get my parents onboard to cleaning out the garage and patio?

Posted 2 years ago #
Laetitia in Australia
Member

Huenink - do you still live at home?

Anytime your parents ask you to get something from the garage or patio, refuse. Say you don't want to kill yourself by tripping over things or having things fall on you.

Other than that, lead by example and, if you don't live at home, when they visit DO NOT let them clutter your house by even so much as leaving a mug on the counter. Inflict consequences such as banning them from your kitchen so they can't make a cup of tea, tip out cups of tea that have gone cold and DON'T give them another one at that time. Only let them use one cup so they have to clean it themselves if they want another cup of something.

These are some of the things I put in place for when my parents visited. They seem to be getting the message, or at least Mum is. Mum has started getting rid of things in their house. For years she fought a losing battle against Dad's stuff and largely gave up. Now she seems to be obtaining support from my uncluttering efforts and has taken up the challenge again.

Also suggest to your parents that if your brother and sister are adults then they should take care of their own stuff - it isn't your or their responsibility. Since it's your parents home, suggest that they tell your siblings to either take their stuff or pay for storage or it will be tossed.

Posted 2 years ago #
Lehcarjt
Member

Honestly, I'm not sure there is anything overt you should do. If they aren't ready to declutter, then they aren't ready. Making it an issue might leave the relationship damaged and entrench them more in their habits. My only suggestion is to lead by the example of how you live your own life until they themselves realize they have a problem.

However, I also think it might be appropriate to approach your siblings and explain the problem to them. Perhaps then they will understand that they should move their own belongings and that too might help your parents realize how much nicer a uncluttered space can be.

Posted 2 years ago #
Laetitia in Australia
Member

Good idea Lehcarjt - approaching the siblings first may help to keep them more onside and have a better outcome than my idea. :-)

Posted 2 years ago #
AJ
Member

If it's your siblings' stuff, take photos and email them to your sibs. Ask them what they want and tell them a deadline when they have to pick it up.

This might give your parents "permission" to throw things away. "Mom, Pop, siblings don't want this stuff. I don't want it. Do you want it?" If they say no, help them to get someone in to remove it. If they say yes, you might have to consider the garage and patio "lost".

Posted 2 years ago #
klutzgrrl
Member

Yeah it's a tricky situation. It's one thing if it's clutter that you have to deal with on a regular basis and is causing problems for you, but if not, then it's not your business. They are adults, and it's up to them. Maybe it doesn't bother them. You can suggest an alternative to people, but that's all. There's nothing more annoying than someone shoving their values down your throat. It's not your house. It's not your life.

If you're living at home, then yeah, there's issues to be negotiated. If you need to access the garage space then it is impacting on you.

Also, uncluttering or being organized really isn't easy for a lot of people. I know becuase I'm that person. Telling me to 'get organized' is like .... I dunno, telling an agoraphobic to just go outside and get some fresh air. In theory easy, in practice.....

Posted 2 years ago #
Lehcarjt
Member

I'm going to argue against what some other posters have said about giving deadlines and trying to force other people to declutter. I really feel that one person doesn't have the right to do this to another unless they own the property where all the clutter is located.

Deadlines and force tend to set up a parent-child relationship and most people object to that unless the the 'child' in the child role is under the age of 18 (teenagers do of course object as well, but that is a different problem).

If someone is behaving irresponsibly that is their choice, their right, their responsibility until a law a broken (define law how you will).

Posted 2 years ago #
Lori Paximadis
Member

Bottom line: you can't force other people to change.

I do agree, however, that if the stuff belongs to your siblings, you should let them know that it is causing a problem and limiting your parents' use of their own house. I'd tell them that even if your parents won't bring it up themselves (for whatever reason: too polite, not wanting to cause friction, etc.), it's not fair for them (your siblings) to be monopolizing space in a house they no longer live in and preventing your parents from being able to enjoy their patio and to park in their garage.

But beyond that and what you've already done, there's nothing you can do to make them unclutter until they're ready to do so.

Posted 2 years ago #
themusiclivez
Member

I definitely suggest setting an example by showing them how you live. My husband is by no means a slob, but when we first got married he had lots and lots of junk. I started becoming a minimalist this past year, and he has jumped on board without me even asking. Just last night I found him cleaning out a drawer of his! If you set a good example your parents just might come around to it on their own!

Posted 2 years ago #
Bobbi
Member

I don't know how old your parents are but I've had several experiences with older relatives who are ill, have had strokes, cancer treatments, etc. and whose homes needed bulldozing. We, on this forum, feel overwhelmed with our stuff. Imagine if you were not physically healthy or were suffering from medicinal side-effects or dementia. The default response when in this situation is "No, no. Not now." They truly do not have the mental ability or physical strength to make the thousands of decisions, much less move stuff out. Deal with it after they die, which is what we did - took years to clean up the houses to sell. (Your siblings probably won't want their stuff then, either.)

Posted 2 years ago #
nellieb
Member

Great point, Bobbi. I know my mother, who is 80, will not unclutter unless someone is there to literally make her do it! Not in a nasty or threatening way but someone to motivate and keep her on track!

On the other hand, I have people tell me all the time that they need to organize...but are not ready to tackle the project. I tell them that when they are ready, they know where to find me (I'm an organizer) and I do not push.

Some people are not bothered by having a garage full of junk. And others are not concerned about being uncluttered. It's their home and if they wish to live in that manner, there's not a lot you can do.

Posted 2 years ago #
charmed2482
Member

if you don't live there, then i would just refuse to ever visit, and like Laetitia in Australia said do not let them clutter your home. if you are still living there then that's another problem. i wish my mom would unclutter, and she has come a long way, but she holds on to all kinds of stuff she doesn't need and will probably never get around to using. i don't live there so i just gave up and decided i would live my life the way i never got to when i was at home and unclutter as much as i want. i like the idea of leading by example, that's how my boyfriend usually ends up uncluttering his stuff, he seems me doing the same thing and decides to join in.

if you still live there and you really hate living know that those spaces will never be useful until its dealt with, then you might want to try and make a plan to move out on your own so you have control over what you space will be like.

Posted 2 years ago #

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