I've been trying to dodge the subject, but after this holiday visit, my mom is telling me that she is planning to start sending me her large Spode Christmas china collection. It has been purchased over the past twenty years as a gift from my stepdad (who is deceased) to my mom. She accumulated many pieces and about twelve place settings and it was very rarely used. I have no sentimental attachment to it, except for the memories of my stepdad being proud to give it to my mom. I am 34, only child, married without kids, and new to the town I live in - meaning, we're not throwing dinner parties on a regular basis. Down the road, I may love it more or actually want to use it, but right now I am trying to declutter my house as it is. What would you guys do or say?
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Posted 2 years ago #
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I'm curious, is this china just "nice" china or is it Christmas specific? If its just "nice" then I see less of a problem of putting it into more regular circulation... I'm also very curious as to why your mom wants to pass it on to your right now. Is she downsizing? Does she not use it or not like it anymore?
I say be honest with your mom. Tell her that you cannot use the right now and have to place to store it properly. Maybe, if its remotely true, try to explain to her that you are not in your permanent home yet and don't want it to get damaged in future moves. Be careful though - if you are on the fence as to whether you want it ever, don't mislead your mom. Is there anyone in the extended family who might enjoy it?
This is probably a very far out there idea, but is there a market for complete sets of this kind? If no one in the family actually wants this particular china, maybe you can both sell it and use the money to buy another (smaller) keepsake or donate it to a special charity.
Posted 2 years ago # -
i would be honest with her and let her know you don't want it. if you think you might want it later and she will hold on to it talk to her about it and see what she thinks. but if you take it and don't want it, you'll just end up upset every time you look at it. i like what the previous poster asked. why doesn't she want it anymore, is she just trying to unload it on to you b/c she doesn't want to keep it but can't make herself actually get rid of it b/c her husband gave it to her as gifts?
Posted 2 years ago # -
What a timely posting! Over the last 15 years, my parents and grandparents collected me Christmas china from Spode. We had a family tradition that involved Spode in my youth, and I missed it when I went to college. One comment later, and I received plate after plate, dish after dish for 15 years. I always thought I'd be the type to honor this tradition, so I took it out every year...and begrudged it the entire time. After last Christmas -- where I felt a real sense of horror to have to put it out again -- I decided that I was done. Just because my Mom had these traditions, doesn't meant they had to be mine.
So, I offered all my pieces back to my Mom, Mother In Law, and friends who showed real interest in the china. I felt better to be freed of it, and my recipients enjoyed having these pieces! It was, at first, a difficult conversation with my Mom. But, in explaining that my traditions were moving more modern, and that i wasn't enjoying the pieces, she understood. My Mom is pretty good with collections, understanding that there are some that I love (like her great purses!) and some that I don't (her muffy vanderbear Christmas tree collection). So, she was willing to hear this even though she is a collector.
I just wish that I said something years ago!Posted 2 years ago # -
The china has a Christmas tree on the middle, so it would just be used for the holidays. We really have no other family and the reason she says she wants me to have it is because she has no use for it. There is a chance that I /might/ want it down the road when I am very sophisticated and host many fancy holiday sit-down dinners, but I believe that day is very far away, if ever.
My mother is also very cheap, and I say that in the nicest way possible, and she keeps stressing how "expensive" this particular stuff is.
Posted 2 years ago # -
tell them you are gonna sell it. then they won't give it to you.
seriously tell her you will sell it for her on ebay or craigstlist and then she can use the money for something she can use everyday.
@springlj if you don't want those dishes now you won't want them ever...when you are 'sophisticated' and host many glittering parties..you won't want to haul out dishes with trees on them..you want plain white open stock from the dept store so that your guests can appreciate the fabulous dishes you are serving.
Seriously folks how often do you see christmas or themed plates in food magazines? never. choose a plain open stock type of plate and use it for everything - unless you cook kosher you shouldn't really have entire sets of dishes sitting around in storage.
When i dumped my service of 16 wedgewood i felt a load off my back. Now everything is plain open stock white china. Everything goes with everything and the food always looks good and if a guests drops a plate the evening isn't ruined.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Be honest. Sometimes I feel that people give their own stuff and clutter to others to feel less guilty themselves for giving it away. I know I have done this myself, but try not to anymore. Tell her that you have no use for it now and if she doesnt either to give it to someone who will use and cherish it like she once did. And remember, it might have been a present from your stepdad but that letting it go doesnt mean you cherish him or his memory any less.
If you would like it for the future then I would say take it now, as to me it isnt right to ask someone else to keep your stuff for you (unless you have a good reason or timeline, like going abroad for a few months). So ask yourself if you really do want it and if a 'maybe in the future' is a good enough reason to keep it right now.Posted 2 years ago # -
Two thoughts come to mind.
First, the way I see it, @springlj, is that, in the future if you want to get the Spode Christmas china, you'll be able to get it, whether new or on eBay or thru craigslist or somewhere. The Spode Christmas pattern is like the Beanie Babies of china dinnerware. Everybody has some of it, Spode keeps making more of it, and you can always get more if you need it. No need to use up your storage space now for something that you'd bring out only once a year, sometime maybe in the future.
Second, about your mom saying how expensive it is . . . no nice way to say this, but it's not your problem if she or someone else spent a lot of money on it. If cost is her concern, then she can try to sell it to recoup some of the money. If her concern is to keep it in the family, then she can keep it at her own home or rent a storage cube rather than foist the china on you (I am not saying anybody should actually do that; I'm just saying that it's the more logical answer than making you store the china for her). Beware! Worrying about how expensive the china was is the sunk cost fallacy! The money is spent, gone, lost. Neither you nor your mom gets any value from keeping the china -- she may disagree emotionally, but point out to her that she's the one trying to get rid of it in the first place.
Posted 2 years ago # -
What if you tell her you only want a couple of dinner plates but none of the extra pieces? I have 6 Lennox holiday theme plates that I really enjoy using at christmas time. I just use my regular serving pieces with it since they coordinate ok. Storing 6 extra plates isn't a big deal for me. I just keep them at the bottom of my regular plate pile and move them to the top at christmas. This way you will have a few plates to use and remember it by but not an entire service of extra china.
Posted 2 years ago # -
I agree with nicole, ask if you have part of the set to use, but only if you think you will use it.
I did something similar with a set of Appleware, its not really china, but I guess some people collect it. My grandmother left it to me when she died, it was a complete set for 20, with a ton of accessory pieces. I kept four cups and saucers, and four salad plates that I knew I would use. I offered the rest to my mother who also collects the stuff, but she only took a few plates. We sold the rest on eBay and really don't feel guilty at all. The only reason my grandmother left them to me was that I told her how much I loved having pancakes for breakfast at her house.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Tell your mother how you feel. It may hurt her feelings but it's best to be open and honest about what you do and do not want.
My mother gave me a straight back chair with a seat my great-grandmother needlepointed. I have carted this chair around for 40 years. The seat is now torn and worn, I consider it a burden rather than a family heirloom, and my great-grandmother died before I was born! I am considering asking my sister if she would like to store it for the next 40 years. Currently, it's sitting in storage and as we plan to empty our unit this year, I have to figure out what to do with it.
Posted 2 years ago # -
just say: no thanks.
i had to turn down an entire set of pre-war royal doulton in perfect condition....it had belonged to my beloved grandmother to boot.
i had nowhere to put it and i knew i was going to be the one to smash the first plate and never be able to replace it.
i like to throw very relaxed dinner parties and things do get broken.
encourage your mother to sell that spode to someone who will love it and use it.Posted 2 years ago # -
Did you end up dealing with this, springlj? I'm curious! I so loathe Christmas themed crockery. Difficult to refuse things like this without offending - I'd always put it in terms of 'no space, and it'll only get broken if I did try to use it' - kids are useful for that (as is moving house, rentals and flats). If you live child-free in a large permanent home, it could be trickier. I've resigned myself to always having a few boxes of crapola.
Posted 1 year ago # -
I looked up Spode Christmas Tree china on Replacements.com and found that there are several different patterns. What color is the border? Is it just a Christmas tree? Some of the patterns ARE very valuable. Wait until she forgets about it and sell it, if you don't want it!
In one pattern, the cup and saucer were worth $80!
Posted 1 year ago # -
I've been the recipient of several batches of hand-me-down "heirlooms" - mostly people will send me things because they know DH and I *do* entertain on a dinner-party scale - but I've always been clear with people that I am not a big "keeper" of this kind of thing and that anything they give me is apt to not stay. If they don't want the silverplate coffee set, I'll take it for a while; but if I don't use it, or if it no longer suits my needs/style, it will go to Goodwill (and it did).
Out of many such gifts, one that I have kept is a set of lithophane teacups in blue and white, which doesn't match our decor at all and never will, but lithophane is sufficiently rare and the set is sufficiently small & cute that I don't mind keeping them. I have in mind to turn the cups & saucers into a fantasy candelabra (sp?) for my future garden.
If you have chosen something yourself or you love it every time you use it, then it's worth keeping. But I agree with all those above who advise you to ask the Five Whys before saying "yes" to your Mom. If she really doesn't want it or care that it's "in the family," but just can't bring herself to pull the trigger on getting rid of this stuff, tell her you'll kill it for her and eBay away!
Posted 1 year ago #
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