I love the show Hoarders and there has been some discussion of the new season in that forum.
One comment made me wonder about if just like accumulating too much, accumulating *too little* can be a negative thing.
Has too much un-cluttering and compulsive cleaning and purging been a bad thing in anyone's life? Is the other extreme something be something that is negative for you, and how?
My dad tends to want to purge everything. One year (several years ago), I came home for Christmas and my mom asked me to fix the computer. My dad had "uncluttered" the system folder! If he didn't know what it was/did, he trashed it. I just had to reinstall the operating system, so it was an easy and fairly painless fix.
Great question!
I think any theory or process taken to the extreme is bound to have negative effects, and cleaning/uncluttering is no different.
Off the top of my head:
- At one point, my dad was job hunting and had a few contacts scribbled on a scrap of paper that had somehow drifted to the dining room. My mom (who loves to throw stuff away) found it, thought it was junk and threw it out. The aftermath was not pleasant.
- I used to read appliance manuals once, then recycle them. This is not a good idea when, a couple of weeks later, you can't remember whether your oven's temperature is in Fahrenheit or Celsius (my oven can show both) or how to switch between one and the other.
- I toss old contracts, bills, statements etc as soon as I no longer need to keep them (legally and practically). Good practice; the trouble comes when you need to, for whatever reason, remember all the addresses and phone numbers you've had over the last 10 years... there were 5 of each, in my case.
Mine are not extreme examples -- then again, I'm not obsessive about cleaning or uncluttering. These incidents have had no lasting negative impact on my life (all the info was retrieved eventually), but they were a momentary drain on our time, energy and nerves -- which is what uncluttering is supposed to save. So yes, I can definitely see how taking uncluttering to the extreme, or even a bit too far out of your comfort zone, can defeat its purpose and become a negative rather than a positive.
My mother once threw out her paycheck and had to wait a couple of months to get a replacement in case it had been stolen etc. or someone tried to cash it. The family joked about it for years. I don't know what she told them about it at work but I'd bet it was fib.
I've actually been struggling with this lately. I've been slowly decluttering over the past year and a half. Along the way, there have been some surprising downsides:
I don't enjoy getting gifts like I used to. Instead of feeling happy about my new treasure, my first thought is often, "What am I going to do with this?" sometimes followed by an impulse to send it directly to Goodwill. I mean, where in my tiny apartment am I going to put handcrafted authentic Russian nested dolls? It makes it harder for me to feel thankful and gracious, which is a definitely downer. It also makes me harder to shop for. :(
I'm unconsciously more critical of other people's messes when I visit their homes. While I try not to be judgmental, I feel like I've trained myself to sniff out clutter and it's hard to turn that off outside my own home.
Has anyone else experienced this?
@ Jessica R - YES. The gift thing is the worst part. Not only am I hard to shop for and annoyed at times if I get something that is difficult to store/not necessary, I also find it hard to BUY gifts for others, because I'm always thinking, "oh gosh, they don't really need this...no one really needs anything..."
I hate to seem ungrateful but the only gifts I want are consumables. I've spent years decluttering all the knick-knacks, do-dads and other worthless crap from my home and I don't want more. People get so offended if I try to explain.
I guess the easiest thing to do is accept graciously and take it to Goodwill.
I only exchange gifts with my husband and sister and I make good use of my Amazon wish list, so I usually only get things that I actually need/want. Same for them!
For those of you who think you are "hard to shop for" why don't you ask for books or DVDs? After you are done with them, you can pass them one to someone else (or donate them) guilt free, and still tell the recipient how much you enjoyed them! And DVDs are easy to store if you use those CD-book things.
My passion is third world justice and poverty. My husband and I are hoping to work overseas this year and I find gift-giving a struggle - we have everything we need and more in this country.
And I know I'm tough to buy for since I live in a 990 square foot house and need very little. But I have found my family likes it when I give them specific ideas, so when I think of something practical or something I would like, I keep a document of gift ideas on the computer. My Mom always asks for specific ideas and It helps me get less crap. LOL
I am bothered by having something in my house that I don't need. If I have a large vase and small vase, I don't need 2 mediums and an extra large too. So the excess goes to the thrift store. I have a permanent box next to my recycling for things that are going to the thrift store or can be re-gifted. I'm not a scrooge, I am not ungrateful and I love the thought of a gift, but if it isn't something I can use, I'm not going to keep it around for sentiment.
I think it's 'baby with the bathwater' situation, going back to the OP. The key is moderation. A few special extras are fine, too many are ... well, too many. And zchristy is right about regifting and donating --I'd rather someone who needs the item gets the item!
@zchristy: Have you suggested charitable "gifts" rather than receiving things, like encouraging people to give to a certain charity or something like that?
I'm curious because I always get mixed reactions to this. Some people are gung ho about it, and others are like "ok, but I got you SOMETHING, not a donation." I also wonder if it's me just being lazy...it would be so much easier if I could just write checks from the comfort of my own home to various organizations rather than shop for anyone.
This year I am trying to do all my gift giving through the internet, to avoid the malls all together. from etsy, I ordered really cute reusable sandwich bags for friends and then some lovely printed stationary. It seems like a little bit of "stuff" for what I paid, but at least I know my friends can use them and use them up...
I am a volunteer with World Vision, so I would love items from their gift catalogue. Reaction is definitely negative to things like this - most family members want to give a gift, not a piece of paper.
My mother-in-law would freak if I gave her an item like that...maybe that's why I should. lol
Sky - I too like consumables (specific chocolates, alto saxophone reeds...).
Jessica R - I too suffer from other people's messes! :-) I find the worst occasions are when I go to the homes of people with small children who don't put away toys - it seems like their entire toy box is strewn on the lounge-room floor and I'm worried I'll twist an ankle. Fortunately I do have some friends who put away toys / don't let their children take over the entire floor space such that I'm not afraid to step inside.
Last year my brother gave me a Kiva gift certificate. I've certainly had fun with it, deciding which local entrepreneurs should get it and then following their progress anxiously. They're in Pakistan, where things aren't at all prosperous these days, and I am hoping that things will improve for them.
(I'm aware that this is in some sense an illusion -- the money went to the Pakistan agency that's funding them, which then lent out the money, but they are real and their problems with repayment are real.)
I always ask people what they want or could use. I point them to my Amazon and Powells wishlists. Works out.
Jessica: I found myself this year wondering if the gifts I bought for people would be clutter in their homes. I always tell my friends that my feelings will not be hurt if they wish to regift or do something with the present I give them. After all, it's the gesture that I took the time to find something special for them...and if they don't want it, that's ok with me! I've asked my friends if we can stop exchanging physical gifts and spend time together instead. Most of them agreed this year which made it very nice.
I send gifts to the children in my life and to my mother. She is 80 and receiving something is important to her. I believe it is generational and also that she is a product of the times during which she grew up.
When someone feels compelled to give me something, I tell them my favorite gift is a donation to an animal rescue league followed by a gift certificate to a bookstore. That way, I can buy trashy novels, read and then pass them on to my friends.
Rather than tossing scrap pieces of paper with notes on them, I either scan or type them into a document...and then recyle the paper.
I'd rather be uncluttered than have too much! And on that note, I began my New Year's resolution early...I decided to purge 50% of what I own this year and surround myself with only things that I am passionate about! You can read about my adventure in this major uncluttering project on my personal blog...http://drawerbydrawer.wordpress.com/. I've already removed quite a bit of small stuff from my house and it's amazing to me how much more is still here!
Consumerism and materialism have gotten us in this situation. If we all didn't have too much, we wouldn't feel this need to declutter. I think we are so overwhelmed taking care of and cleaning so much stuff that we are ready for a simpler, less cluttered life....I know I am.
If I get rid of 50% of my belongings, I will STILL have a lot of stuff!
i don't think decluttering could go negatively for me, personally.
i like to have a few things that i absolutely love....and that's it.
re: gifts.
my business is handmade soap. everybody around me is given handmade soap at every birthday or other event.
i know they use it and enjoy it.
before i was a soapmaker, i was a chef....and i used to make food for gifts. or give spices. or special oils and vinegars. or wine.
i only believe in consumable gifts....for others and for myself.
i'm a complete kiva fangirl....have just made my 90th loan there!
and i'm starting to give kiva certs as gifts and encourage others to do the same.
no clutter and the good vibes go on for a long long time.
I hear you. My aunt's house is so full and messy. It makes me uncomfortable and it's there's no where comfortable to sit. She loves STUFF. But I refuse to give her clutter for xmas. She gets consumables or charity.
I would rather get carried away with uncluttering than have the reverse problem. (In fact, there have been times when I got carried away, but looking back, I don't regret any of the items I got rid of!) I'm absolutely amazed that even in my relatively "clutter free" home, my husband and I always seem to have a few big bags of items to give to Goodwill. Where does this stuff come from?
I too would like to be surrounded by just the things I love. I've always felt that way, even as a kid. Lately I have been selling a lot of things on eBay. You would be surprised at how much money you can make by ridding yourself of old junk!
Articles about simple living always catch my eye and there have been a few that have truly made see that balance is more important than simply decluttering. It seems that what some people initially began as a way to simplify and better manage their lives ends up taking over and diminishing the quality of their lives.
The first article that comes to mind is one that was in REAL SIMPLE (I'm pretty sure) magazine last year. It was about a single mom of two who, after her divorce, decided to live as simply as possible and moved with her children to a small cottage in a very rural setting. Most of the changes she talked about making in her life seemed great - she was spending a ton of more time with her kids and doing the things she enjoyed - but there also seemed to be this undercurrent of obsession on her part, that if she could just get rid of EVERYTHING, her life would be perfect. The article reported about her giving away their ONLY chair and she justified it by saying something like, "Why do we need something just to sit on?" And there were these photos with the article and the kids looked SO UNHAPPY. I know it's just a couple of pictures and I can't make any definitive conclusions about the kids' happiness... but truly, the kids looked like they were caught up in some craziness they didn't sign up for.
Another article was more recent and I first saw it linked to on the Unclutterer blog here. It was about the college graduate student who not only purged his life of most possessions, but also of all his friends. That just seems to miss the whole point of better living through simple living.
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